Lessons For Pabda!

Dear Pabda,

The other day I met your celebrity cousin Hilsa. I have been reading so much about her these days. She is all over, across social media platforms. My Bengali friends singing paeans, writing testimonials like she is from the depth of the Caspian and fed only black caviar. And my costal Odia friends never getting enough of a proverbial ‘Ilishi jhola’ or a sukhua which is painfully salty and stinky.

Steamed Hilsa aka Bhapa Ilish!. Pic courtesy: Monalisa Patnaik, Hilsa lover and passionate cook who gets to eat the world’s best catch in her California home.

I too got carried away with her all pervasive and sustained PR drive. I decided to pinch a hole in my pocket and brought her home. But, I live far away from the Padma Nadi and had to be content with a catch from the Arabian. She reached home with lot of care. We washed her in filtered water, gave her a turmeric bath. She sizzled in hot mustard oil before plunging into that thin curry.

Here is a confession which may make you feel good. Hilsa gets most attention because she is an absentee most of the year. She comes back with a pregnant belly and creates a brouhaha every monsoon. You never do that. You are just so available. She always behaves like a celebrity and has clearly stayed away from massy events. She does special appearance in monsoon or a rare couple appearance on Saraswati Puja in Bengali households.

Hope you are jotting down the pointers.

I decided to give her a special treatment. Nigella seeds, green chili and grated ginger, all her regular companions were kept ready. Just to make her feel comfortable in my house.

And I didn’t want to disappoint her. I kept her in party spirit, slathered in fine yellow mustard paste, drenched in mustard oil, ornating her with green chilies and wrapped in banana leaf. I sent her for a lazy sauna bath. I know, reading all these is making you jealous already. But, what a disappointment she was. With treacherous bones across her body, she was a trap. She was fake and it hurt. And bland too.

You are more sorted. You could be thin, not as slender as her, but atleast you know how to arrange your bones neatly. Did I mention, her manager after two weeks of persuasion, finally gave me a ticket, a chance to make her my Sunday chief guest. I ditched my favourite mutton curry. I am still cribbing.

Come soon again, please. I promise, I will give you all that I gave to Hilsa and make you shine.

Text: Sujata Dehury